Adventures of superaspiegrrl

Dear Neurotypical World

Dear  Neurotypical world,

I am tired
I am tired of playing Annette (or Annette as most people know her)
I am tired of doing and saying things to please you
I am tired of hiding the struggle that furiously rips me apart everyday

I am tired of feeling judged for every misstep in social etiquette (that I still don’t understand)

I am tired of fearing the next social faux pas I will commit
The slip, the blunder,

the next person I don’t recognise,

the next misunderstanding

I am tired of pretending I understand everything

I am tired of pretending that I am OK
that I am enjoying myself
that I am functional
that I am unbroken
that I am fucking “normal”

fuck “normal”

I don’t want to please you
I don’t want to apologise for myself anymore
I don’t want to internalise the meltdowns
I don’t want to stop myself from stimming to make you feel more comfortable

I just cant do this anymore: Pretending to be Neurotypical Annette

The Neurotyipcal Annette finds it easier to agree with people, than stand up for herself

I have been pretending my whole life
Doing things to make others happy
Or what I think they want me to do, to say, to hear

I am tired of having a tornado inside and looking serene on the outside
I am tired of being brave and strong and inspirational
I am tired of being invisible

I want to be listened to, really listened to
I want to be heard, I want to be respected

despite my disability

I want to be honest with others and myself

I want to stand up for all those who cannot

I want to be free to be autistic

Not conform
Not fit in
Not say the right thing

I don’t want to pretend to know people when I do not recognise them
I don’t want to pretend to know what people are talking about
I don’t want to feel obligated to talk to someone just because that is what I am supposed to do

I don’t want to pretend I am OK, when I am really not
When I am crying, dying inside
I want to let people know it is a struggle every day
I don’t want to explain myself
I don’t want to turn the words that are used against me back on myself anymore

I want to be free to be different and beautifully whole
in my own Autistic way

top Image: Autistic Action Series “Taking Back my Power” concept and performed by Annette Foster photography by Rachel Parry

This entry was published on July 23, 2017 at 6:21 am and is filed under Autistic Actions. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “Dear Neurotypical World

  1. carol woody on said:

    Keep writing. You were very good at hiding your feelings. I did like the girl I used to know. A little quirky and fun. I had no idea how deep your feelings were. As I said earlier, keep writing a whole new world is opening up for you and I am interested in your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on 35 years old and finally understanding. and commented:
    Perfectly written.

    Liked by 1 person

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